I dunno how to said it, but the time i have with u is the time where my world changed. We smile, we laugh, we mad and we argue, Love is really strange. The more u care the more u obsessed by the another. Maybe i really reach to a level where i can't leave this line. To learn to live without u, To learn to accept someone new, to learn to live by myself, and To learn to accept the fact that u are no longer mine.
Now i get it, why my friend said that love is not valuable. Cuz love is just a split second event, 1 year relationship might just end in 1 minute. No matter how long a relationship are, there always a breaking event happen. She said what most important is "if there were one time u learn to love someone with all ur heart, that is the best moment u ever give them". Funny tho my friend that been single for 6 years tell me so. Well sometimes a relationship will make u grow but sometimes it will make u stop growing as everyone are moving forward, well it just like a river that couldn't flow in winter. U can see the surface all freeze but the water below that ice are still flowing. As for me now, i dunno why i only wish for your return, I wish i could just let u go, but i know that if this line that we are walking together split up, then forever we will walk in our parallel line. U might scold me if u saw this, but what i really wanted is to be with u, till the day my last breath end. I remember i wrote a blog over here for my other ex also saying how much i love her, but when i read back everything,and i found out that i only remember what i had been together with my 1st ex. I guess the other 2 is not that i love them deep but cuz maybe i just need someone, but everything single event i had been together with u, is still very fresh in my mind. Just like it was yesterday.
I went to club tonight but i left pretty early. I just don't have the mood to club cuz what's in my mind is only u. I grab a few drink and went back home, hoping i can sleep nice and sound. And now it was 6am, wake up cuz the same dream where i saw u leaving my life. Left me all alone at my world. I can seriously tell u that every night i really get the same dream, repeat and repeat again and i really scare to sleep. Previously i really like to sleep very much but now sleeping is a torture to me. Sleep few hours then wake up, sleep another few hours then wake up again. Baby, i wish u just kill me if can. Better than i been kill softly.
Do u know that u been ignoring me recently? I trying my best to get back to u but in the end u just keep on pushing me away. If u can just tell me that u dun love me anymore and ur heart already at him there. Then i will leave u alone, forever and ever. But i also dunno i can do it or not. Most likely i can't
I really want to tell u that i will wish for your happiness but i just can't say the words. I am not that strong to said those. Well if u really choose another, i can only say,"sorry, for not being the perfect one for u". I don't really want to say all this, I just can't say all this in front of u. If u read this, pls give me a msg and thanks me. Well it quite impossible cuz maybe u won't found out but this blog also. And also Love is not a comparison between one another but is the heart to keep the one as a love one. U asked me, "if this world really got time machine, what time i will choose to go back to", and here is my real answer, if i can, i will choose to go to the future, and show u that i can wait u forever. But this is something that won't happen. Well for now i only wish that I am the only one who will suffer all these pain for both of us. I wanted to get all ur sadness and transfer to me, so that i will know that u always smile. Cuz ur smile is the only thing's that i wish to see.
I don't have the courage to say all this to u, Just hope that one day u will saw this blog. I love u
From
Strom Lau
To my beloved
Jessica Sow
U will always be the best thing that ever happen in my life. <3
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