I think~~

After that day, i think u caught my heart with your smile. U make my heart beat faster than other did... The feeling of uncomfortable when only me and her around... scare of her... shy around her... wish i could have found this feeling earlier...

Merry Xmas Eve

Wow have been a great night yesterday, Thx to Hou, Loon, and other. Not to left out the only girl with me mee lee^^ You damn gorgeous man... OK here the story, we arrive at 9.30 and the disco were totally empty~~~!!!!
Shock me for awhile... but things turn up just in 30min.... more people arriving to the disco and it became damn crowded~~

This is all the drink we have but there another group with 5 bucket of tiger at another corner of the disco!!~~ shit.... keep going to toilet~~
And here all the people that join my party yestedary night

And this is my partner for yesterday^^haha

Met a lot of friend within Voodoo also.... damn siok man... Dance for whole night(tho i not good in dancing....)
It's great to count down and celebrate with u guys... hope this new year we can go the same thing again^^ Looking forward it

Why!!~

She told me she hurting someone that are treating her very good and she dun wan to hurt tat someone anymore. The one she refer is me... I just wanna treat her good and i dun any other thing in return, just hope she continue being my friend. That all... Pls dun treat me cruel

feel sad

Feeling sad recently, everything i done are not just right.... I dunno how to face this world... the reality. She wanna leave me... left me alone. haiz thought i know she got a bf but why cant i stay as her friend....

been thinking

After hearing how her bf family treat her, i feel guilty to make my step in them... Tho its hard but i can do it, i guess... i will give her up and went back to my world. That the only thing i can do. And focus in my job would be a better way to stay from her. bye

Tired and sick

Haiz... get sick right after finish my work.... Thought wanna go out and find my friend but then.... haiz.... anyway today got good news also... She told me that she actually love me, but still not the time to get with me. Tomolo go find her ba. So for now its time to sleep... good night

To love or not to, is just how we decide thing

People say love sometimes have to be selfish, But does people know
Love are not a chain to lock someone we love. If the one i love
feel happy with it, then i happy for them also. Maybe some people will
say i stupid... To stay in such relationship but for me this is my happiest
moment for me now. For now, my only wish is she happy with her relationship
and the blissful happiness for her will last eternal. For me i would just
take my place sitting over here and observe them. Nothing is better than
keep our distance close to our love one. For me now i just dunno, What i
really wan. What i really need. Does I really need her or I just need a
girlfriend. I wanna find my answer now. Maybe this will take a couple of month
But I sure its better than I keep thinking useless thing at here.
"P" I love u.

Finally the answer

She told me she try to break up with her bf but she cant... wanted to be with her so much... really love her so deep. but why good keep playing me? Putting me in this kinda of relationship for twice... Can't i have some1 i love... why she wan to tell me now, that she cant leave him. Really hurt me deep enough... i wanna cry but cannot... i wanna shout but cannot... can i really take her as my friend? i can't, i wan more... DAMN IT.... In the end she told me, I LOVE U. what should this mean? do i really have to wait 2 year? Damn.... i scare of waiting and the 1 tat get rejected is me ....

I WANNA CRY...

Lazy, Boring and frustrated day

Today was a damn boring day, and i watched Hk drama for more than 6 hours.... almost gone insane. Argue with her again... all about the stupid friendster thing. When she told me about her new friendster, so i ask for it to add her. Then she said dun wan haiz.... u ask if it got alot of her n her bf photo on it, she said ya... a lot of private picture(......) U know, i got feeling and i feel i been ignored. How come she say thing like that to stab my heart... Pain and bleed.... haiz. good night

Aurora in front of me

Today i view their friendster, pinky and her bf profiles, and i found out a msg she leave on his profiles. The date for it was 1st of october. That mean just last month and 2 week bfore i met her. I think she quarrel with him ba, she said in the sentence "she dun wan to always continue like this, its been several time they break and get back. She so tired of this. She wanna love him always". When i see this, i feel up sad but that is her feeling that time and i wonder what her feeling now if she have to write something on his profiles again. Will she talk about love him always? or will she just take thing lighter cause i'm here for her? I dunno, and I wanna know about it. Hope i can control time, as i can turn back time backward or forward to prevent from meeting her or to discover what lies on future. But i know i can't control time and i wont have that kind of ability. So i just can hope and do my best for her.

Rainbow out of Rain

The rainbow finally out after a few day of rainy day. Tho its not like what i wan now but i think i will live life easier than before. Today i went to find her, and we get to talk like usual, laugh like usual, she smile to me with the sweetest smile she got. I know what i wan now, and which path to follow... tho i know this path going to be a rough and hard to climb but i will use all my strength just to climb onto this rocky path. What the future will hold i don't care anymore, I just want to be by her side for now and all the moment i can. Maybe for other its a very bad thing to do but for me, i will be selfish in it cause for me love mean selfish. Surely i will let thing flow, and won't ask for more from her. I wait till the right time come, till the my chance really appear in front of me.

"W"- U tell me just let her be the way she was now. So i accept your suggestion and let her be with her bf and i just stay in this best friend relationship with her. I don't want to ask for more for me right now are still not yet reach the requirement to start a relationship with someone. What i really need now is my career. That my target now.

Boring day

The whole day i only sleeping, covered by my warn blanket and accompany by my very dear bolster... Lonely... sad... miss someone. When i awake, the 1st time i wish is there a sms from her in my phone... Ya there a lot message but non of them is from her. Kinda disappointed, but i still wait her to send me one. I try to sms her so she reply but she don't. Love someone are driving me mad, crazy... Haiz... Then around 6p.m. my friend drag me out to snooker center. Until 8 i reach home and again no 1 at home... lonely... alone... thinking of what she doing. So i called her, when i thought she wont answer, she pick up the phone. The 1st word cross my mind is i'm sorry for neglect her yesterday. I ask her where is she now, and she told me she at pasar malam(night market) with her boyfriend... sure my heart ache but what to do, that guy beside her is her official boyfriend and what am i at here? Mayb i really think too much and neglect how she think to me. Sadly i hang up and msg her said "have a nice day". Tho that is not what i wanna say but that the only thing i can say.

Maybe its right that loving someone doesn't mean to be together with that someone but is it that easy to give up on that someone? Is it i can let it go so easy... I dunno myself but for who i was now, i confused within the sea of confusion. Letting go is not my choice, Can i just stay at the spot i was now and care for her till the day where we really can officially together came?

sunny day turn to rainy day

This post is on 21-November-2009(sorry for the late post)

This morning is a good start for everything, she want to met me and so does i.
Thought went to find her but her friend call me to help up for her laptop problem.
Surely i thought after i fixed the problem just went to find her, so i decided to met at the same place she working at with her friend. I didn't said it not my fault at all but then i really wrong cause didn't went to find her 1st instead of meeting her friend. She get angry bout this, I dunno which way to go. Before i went back i asked a boy that work with her to come down and i pass him a bread to send to her. Then this boy ask me something via sms, i told him i might give up on her but then i couldn't. She saw the sms and she told me if want give up on her then just give up.
i dunno what to say, feel happy or what. She went to pub tonight... with her friend or mayb with her boyfriend. I worried about her cause she just ate a bread and going to take alcohol now(1.20am/malaysia). I wonder have she went home now, or is she still with her friend at disco/pub.

To care but cannot show it out.
To love but cannot express it out.
To continue but have to think for her.

Why thing end up so rough, or is it I'm the one that think too much about it.
I hope thing will calm down a few day later for I maybe will leave malaysia. I wanna get with her and spend some more time with her before i leave here.

The boy from her shop willie p.m. me tru msn.
He encourage me to continue on her, but leave her be what she was now.
One day i will have my chance. Is it real? Is it just a simple encouragement or is there something he know that i dunno. When is the fog around me can disappear and show me the answer?

Today

She call me and talk with me, though thing went like before.
Laughing happily, but after we hang up... i scare she get hurt again.
I wish i could be there, care for her, love her, protect her...
Got friend told me, to give up cause she got bf...
But giving up is not my choice yet...
Can God show me the road as for me that covered within the mist of confusion...

This is it...

Hi everyone here... This is my 1st blog since i stop blogging a year ago.

Recently a lot thing happen in my life...
And i think i need space for myself.
Thing just too complicate here now.
Career, Family, Love
*Sigh*... can someone talk to me?
Teach me what should I do.