19-11-2010

Here an update for what i have done today.... weee... finally today came. wake up at 12 and started to pratice my singing until 2pm then went out for lunch with ray, uhm someone who gonna go for the audition with me... and after the lunch we went straight to station1 at 3pm sharp ok... its sharp 3pm. then after get the form we went to get our picture print out cause its require our picture. well at 1st i thought it will be less people but when we reach back... wow its like got 20 people onli>.< really lesser than what i imagine. that not the case cause the form can be submit bfore 8pm. I joing up with my friend kimiro group that include peter and johnson. Well there are somemore there but its seem like 2 of them went to somewhere else. And 4pm finally reach and the staff rushed me to submit out form so that they can start it, but its like no one wan to submit it... well then got 4 person submit and i waited another 20min then i went to submit and apparently.... i was the 5th one to sing.... Damn it... i was damn nervous when i saw my number is 5.... shit... so the audition start, the 1st contestant went on stage but then got technical problem so its been delay awhile but its back on real fast like 5 min... i guess. And continue with the 1st contestant... well this is the biggest contestant that went on the stage claiming he can sing like a singer(p.s. i forget which singer he mention about) then when he sing... wow... damn... its was worser than me... ok the 2nd one were ok. and the 3rd and 4th were both friend and they actually can sing but just lack of a bit skill on controlling key.( who i was to comment about other singing skill while i got no)
AND ITS FINALLY MY TURN, to be honest i was like nothing bfore on the stage but when i was on the stage and everyone were looking at me.... Gosh i am damn nervous lo.... its like i was start shaking there... after introducing my self i start my 1st song ronan keating when u say nothing at all but its end up the judge say i like din sing it out loud... so here goes my 2nd song fei ni mou su... but end up the same... 3rd song i forget what i sing and finally its was like finally i can get off the stage BUT the judge say... give me 1 more try like singing another song... well i was like URGH.... PLS LET ME GO... at 1st i totally like got no clue to sing what song but then the judge tell me i like JJ lin alot so why not try his song... and i sing chi pang... well its end up i was shaking badly and i cant concentrate on my key.... and it like flat/.... so its finally end of my turn. and my friend were up and most of them did a great job but some of them din get to the 2nd audition. Johnson and sky were great... they sing like totally professional... and we enjoy the day over there.... we stay up until 9pm and all went back bfore the audition end... cause we were damn tired... so its end of my audition day and i really had a great lecturing from the judge i will try to improve my singing skill.. and try it again next year

Here the 2nd part... after a rest at home, uhm its like 1 hours. then i heading out to club again, to met my sister veronne and shiki, much more cant miss out zoe... and my audition friend to celebrate for out braveness to go on to the stage... and faced the media... tho i dun really have fun in the club but i met a new friend name sky ALSO.... another sky.... haha... well this guy got talent on magic, dance... and maybe how to tackle a girl... its was fun to met him cause he show me plenty of magic trick... and cant miss out we dance on the stage and its like his break dance were pro too... better than mine... hahaha

its time to say bye to my blog again and all those that following me...
pls update on what i did in future, thx

14/11/2010

What the fuck with tonight... getting so damn moody until thing out of my mind.... alot of thing i wan but i cant get. Haiz... was clubbing with friend but end up almost fighting someone. Ok find this is the last time i gonna club... i just can be myself somemore... burden on me just getting heavier. family, career, relationship and friend.
why the hell all this stuff playing with me?? i just wanna live my life normally, calmly and steady.

what i wan is not what i wanna got. I just wanna punch something. sand bag maybe...


woohooo and i end up punching it till my hand bleed... i am drunk and tired... its time to sleep... wtf with this world

10/11/2010

Phew the day passed and now its 11/11/2010. What a bad day for me. Been arguing with my father on a serious matter where it involve my sibling also. What da hell if what we said is for his own good and he doesn't listen to... I was like been arguing with him for an hour and what i get asking me to leave... Wait i did leave my house 4 years ago and i can do it again. If not because of my youngest sister, i won't be coming back to this house and seeing ur fucking face. Was finding someone to lend me a shoulder but end up the one that i wanna find the most are unreachable but someone really nice ended up calling me, comfort me. If not for some reason, I might be giving all i had to get her. If one day, i can just put down all those burden on my shoulder, how good will it be? I was thinking all over and i was too tired. Fall asleep until 6 plus where my mother call me to wake me up.

Apparently, i dunno what i want to do anymore. And i lost all my faith toward him. I wanna find my own life where i can be happy and free. I dun wan to be tie up by all those problem he cause anymore.

Now were 4.03am and i just drank another bottle of tiger. Wanted to sleep but feel hungry... Why at time like this =.=
And i am missing someone so badly, as i look to her profile and her blog. I just knew that i lost connection with her. It's like i dunno a lot of thing that happening to her. Maybe she find her life and being happy with. And one thing that makes me very happy is in her blog she mention about someone asking her to smoke but ended up she didn't smoke. What a news. Tho it might not be me that change her but i am happy for her.

It's time to sleep as i am damn tired for what happen yesterday. Good night

money

Everything in this world just about money. Money here and there. I know that money can brought a lot of thing but there is something i dun understand and confused with, money can even buy relationship and friendship. WTF~~!!
Family also need money. How useless am i while i cant even helped my brother. What else i can do except going like this? I dunno what to said or maybe should i said i dunno how to express everything

Gray

For the past few days, we just keep on arguing. Sometimes just by small thing and just now we argue again. Words always the strongest weapon to hurt someone feeling. But words of misunderstanding hurt more. U were sensitive and i know about it. I just wanna ask u rather is it like tat but end up u get angry. I said earlier, its on ur decision. But maybe what i choose will be better for u. For 2 days continuesly i made u cried. And for all the time u met me up until now... u know how many times i made u cried.
And i wanted this to be the last time. It wont happen anymore

A blog post

My friend posted a blog and i dunno rather who she was talking bout. Could feel her feeling in it but what to do. I just dun have the chance to talk nicely with her anymore. She mention about "what really hurt was the fact that it seems as if I dont deserve an explanation from you" but why she wanna think so? everyone deserve to get it just to know whats going on but seem like bfore this when i told her, she just being cold and refuse to hear me out. Well if u ever saw this post, then i hope U will try to understand one person more in heart. cause every single human being got different personality. Good luck to ya

The face behind the mask!~

I just tried an application from facebook and well it was damn accurate. Here i gonna post it out

It's says
What kind of person are you?
Dear Strom Lau, You are an outgoing and cheerful person. Although you get frustrated sometimes, you get through hard times easily and are joyful again.
Your friendly personality makes you attractive in the eyes of the opposite sex, but this makes your spouse feel insecure. Your lack of emotion is a disadvantage, but your candor has made you popular.
Conclusion: ...
웃 : Friends of your gender find it hard to understand you.
웃 : You have an innocent thinking.
웃 : But it attracts members of the opposite sex.

well i hope people who know me did really read my blog as this is my true self if u dun understand me

I am outgoing cause if i stuck in house i can tried to hang myself to death^^
Cheerful cause i think tho my life is hard but there always a solution, so smile and face it
I easily get frustrated cause i am emotional too
My friendly personality make me happy and sad sometimes cause i get more friend this is the happy part but i could make people feel unsecure or they will think i dun have time for them
Hmm, gotta admit that i got the quality of being honest and telling the truth, especially about a difficult or embarrassing subject and this is what make me kinda popular^^
Kinda agree with the conclusion thing but the last one... i dun think i attract anyone .... sad T-T

I might be keeping all my thing inside myself cause i dun wan to show to other how weak i was. I tried to be strong but sometimes the burden is too much.
To those tat hear my voice bfore, thx u all so much cause u are my precious dear friend.
sometime we need to live behind a mask just to prevent our weakness been shown to others

tired~wanted to rest

Today went to sunway pyramid with Isaac wong, Michie foo, Ann lau(my dear sister).... so many thing have happen and finally i can take a rest. lost my job, lost someone i care, been say i very fa fit recently with girl (thx to veron), hmm pay for repairing the car mean i dun have money ady, Haiz...

But get something in exchange, met my fellow isaac wong after 11 years din met, then something funny happen to him.... get to know his friend slyvie h'ng... not a bad girl, well she was always laughing(something wrong with her), it was fun watching both of them... isaac tease her and she slap him, poke him but he just dun stop>.< then funny thing between him and michie happen and turn into chaos.
well was a funny thing to remember it... Isaac, i going to tease u forever with it^^

disappointed with people that dun understand me, or maybe i dunno express myself ba.
dun care, cause i am who i am. Hmm lets see at sunway pyramid, met up with eugene chan, alex ong and one of his friend, but dunno what is her name XD. sorry if u happen to saw this post.

well this is a very confusing post cause i just post whatever cross my mind now.

wanted to met someone damn much but its end up not showing up, she got send me a msg and it make me totally speechless. saw her wall post for a song and look like things going well on her side. well if she lose the bet then i can request anything, well hope u saw it... rather u lose or not this is for u. My request is live ur life happily. Its on my mind since the day we started the bet. and it will always be the same one. this will be my final request to u

Hesitation

Another day have passed, yet there are no changes of what have happen. From day to night i was thinking, which is right and which is wrong. If I'm the one who did it wrong i would just appologize for what i have did but i just can't figure what i did wrong. Everything like a nightmare that come too sudden. Can't say that i did nothing wrong cause i wrote something that is hurtful but I got my personality and i dun think that much people will just step on it cause it seldom happen. But it did happen now and i was frustrated about it.

And now were 5am in the morning... i just back from club with my friend to release my tension. Thing finally get easy but... when i turn on my msn and saw someone, i just cant stop myself from being heartache. I thought every way that connected with it will just been blocked like earlier in facebook. But it appear that i can still click on the profile and msn still can see it on. I already opened the chat box at msn but i dunno what should i say at this moment... it not that i still angry but the hesitation in my heart stop me from pressing any simple msg as hi.

Yeah i am a guy with strong personality, if thing get over my head then i will just fight back. I am taurus. And i always will be one. It not that i dun wan to appology
but it because i done ntg wrong at the begining. Tho this simple word might fix everything but it also a word tat meant to tell when u done something wrong

02-10-2010

3 word... sad, down, and frustrated

Surprise

Wow, someone just send me a big surprise. I just remember how many hour have it pass since the word come out of my mouth... lets see... now is 6.25am... 31 hours 25min i guess... but thing changed so damn fast. Maybe it be better if thing just stay the way it was from the 1st. Or maybe thing were the same like 1st, but i was the one that think too much until i mixed it with virtual and reality. Here is virtual and where is reality? Dunno... maybe i shouldn't stalk on her profile and i never would discover the big surprise. Yeah she was in relationship with someone and i should be happy for her. But why despair shown deep inside me... Strom, she was just ur friend since the begining,and it will stay like tat forever.

For whole day i tried to hang out with my mom, sister then sing k with friend and went blow water with my friend, just to make myself happy abit, and when i just about to find her... and there is no reply. kinda hurt and sad. But lucky i take a nap and woke up now checking facebook... and now i cant fall back to sleep i guess...

Insomnia strike again...
i dunno what i wrote here....
just simple type what goes in my mind....

i thought of asking her to come by on saturday to join my friend party at club but now i guess there no need for it ady, she got a better guy will bring her out now.

just what the hell i was thinking now??

someone can chat with me?

THERE ARE NO ONE NOW>.< damn....
6.40am... i just smack the wall... and it end up my skin were torn...
bleed but seem like... something else hurt me more...

its the end of it now. im pulling out

The World Of Illusion

Illusion, something always appear in our life. But is it appear by coincidence or by our thought? I guess is all bout our self, who makes those illusion out. Maybe people were asking, what kind of illusion i was talking bout? Here i going to answer, Everything that cover our eyes to the truth. Sometime we just don't want to accept the fact that thing's were going out of order. That's why we choose to believe on the illusion that we created in our subconscious self. But why we wanna do it? As it going to hurt us deeper. People often said that we just trying to make thing's right, but can we really correct it to the time where everything never happen? No, I guess. And some also told me they done a lot of thing just to make them feel better, release stress... but HOW?? By hurting yourself? I guess it only making thing's worst... OK, maybe i what i said don't have point but what is the point to hurting yourself while that thing doesn't worth for it?

For me, i was living in my illusionary world. Claim that myself can always be there for someone, trusted that people will trust me as i was, Loving people as they were my only. But everything is not that simple. I can't be there for someone yet i don't have someone to trust on nor someone for me to truely love. Those sweet words, those sweet memory, those sweet stupid joke that we had... and the stupid thing we done together... is it just an illusion as well?

I gonna live my life for myself and make it better. So guy's out there, don't rely on other as it was ur life... stay strong. Be happy

26-08-2010

Finally its the end for everything, actually i know this would come and i can't save it anymore. Once before my friend asked me, half year. How deep is my love for her, I can't answer it myself. I just silently thinking over there, but my friend say... i already gave him an answer. I was still blur about my answer.

My best friend, sabby call me when she saw what i posted in facebook. She was so care about me but i turn her down. Ended up she hanging up the call. I guess i already lost a lot of thing cause of this relationship and i don't want to lose more. Now is time for me to let everything go and be myself back. I mean my old self. Gonna focus in career and life. About love just put it away 1st la.

How long does a human life span can last? And how long does mine last? I dunno, maybe wont last long. another 20 years? I wish i could achieve what i want before the time come.

Enough of crying for me, enough of hurting for me, enough of thinking of her. No matter how hard i try to cling to thing relationship but when thing doesn't work out, it's time to let go. Sabby thank u, u really touched me, u told me that i was a good guy while i think i was not. I also not sure about it but here is something i can promise u now and forever, No matter what happen to u or me, our friendship will last eternally.

1 hour then i going to leave my old self behind me. Buried my love deep inside of me once again. A bright new day are yet to come, so I will move forward to my life.

Relief

Recently i met a girl name sabby, a quite cute, nice, friendly and funny girl. Tho we just met tru facebook but we talk a lot. About our love life, interest, hobby, song and a lot more. When i was sad, she was there for me, and when she was sad she came and find me. The moment might short but my heart really been catch by her. I never thought there someone that can make me feel like i felt on my 1st love. Fast to come, happy to hear from her, even a small simple thing were enough to make me smile. Still remember she scolded me cause of my ex, or maybe it's not scold. She told me i was her best friend but i guess i want something more than this, but it wont happen again. Or forever i wont think about it. Cause she met a better guy ady. should be way better than me ba. well all i need is that she happy and that's enough for me. I can't say that i really love her cause just such short time. But i can say that i really like this girl. She had everything i need, as a girlfriend. My dream girl came but she belong to other. Well like my quato, the best doesn't belong to me, but still i going to fight to be the best for other^^

Time close up the door to my heart for sometimes, and fight for money. Hmm how long will it been shut?? Maybe like last time, 3-4years. Take this time to make myself a better person and by that time just find someone that love me. For now sorry to all of you, i don't need love ... I need money^^

Faith

Recently i found out that i really losing my faith toward human being. Everything seem to be fake to me. People, Word are thing that can't be prove by merely word's. Maybe i trusted someone too much until in the end, i end up breaking my faith by myself. When it come to something that i can't confirm about, there a lot of conclusion coming out of my mind. I will think will they lie to me about this and that, will they just merely giving all those empty words out just to make me shut up.

I don't think that i am that jerk already. Before this i was like a stupid idiotic guy that easily been cheat. Ya, i admit that i can easily believe in someone. Whatever they told me as long as it logic, i will believe it. But thing have changed since pass few year, and right now i just realize it's hard for me to believe in other's. Especially those that cheated me before.

Human, are just too unpredictable. At this very moment they could treat u as nice as they can but just a split second they could treat u as cold and as cruel as they were like animal brutally hunting down their prey. And they never thought that they might hurt someone. Ok, maybe they got think bout it but in physical way. They never think that they will end up breaking someone inner self, people trusted you and why should u break it? Can't u treat me as i treated u guys? I accepted u guys as my friend, best friend and lover. But no matter what lies does appear between all of us. Why thing like this should have get between us? Is it we can't live without mask on us? Can't we just be the way we suppose to be? Is it in this reality world there are nothing such as faith?

~~Memory~~

Today as i was arranging my messy desk, i found a piece of paper. It's was a song writen by me. A song that i never could finish it now. I remember i wrote this song for my 1st girlfriend to celebrate our 4th year anniversary but before i could have present this song to her, she told me that we need to break up.

I ask for a reason why? She reply me, because of my job, i got no time for her. I dunno what to reply her that time. After a few minute of silent, i told her this... "thank you for loving me all this time, i really appreciate everything we have been tru. Although this is not what i wanted but this is the best for us. I got my dream to chase and u got your's. It is time for us to move on our own path". She silently look at me, and for the last time i hug her and also kissed her. She is my 1st girlfriend and i really wanted her to be my last, but we were too young when we started. The time are not right.

But everything is already in the pass, this song will always be a song without ending. Maybe i will continue wrote it but do i still can find a reason for it? Will the one i love will appear once again? Someone that will really love me and someone who really care bout me. Well all i can hope is, there are a girl treat me good and don't lie to me then it will be enough for me already. I hoping for it^^

hopefully

I missed her so much, the one that always chat with me, sms with me, and even msn and facebook with me. Just dunno why, she get into my world so fast. Always spinning around and running around my mind. Hope she also feel the same^^ Love ya

Coldness

Something happened recently, She saw what i wrote in facebook and some misunderstanding happen. The post was "i missing u" but then my ex sister reply in it, and i have to pretend like we are still together. And it happen to be saw by her. She started to ignore me and i still dunno of what happening. How stupid am i. Day passed and i finally realize the coldness that she showing me, and i asked her rather something make her treat me this way. She told me what she said, and i was sorry about it. I really Forgetting about my ex and wanna to be with her. I told her the whole story and she seem to understand my situation. Well she a nice girl and i dun wanna hurt her. Still i have to prove to her that i am ready to accept a new relationship. "S" trust me ok?

Happiness

I just found out that a lot among my friend are not happy recently. They cried in front of me, telling me their problem... They ask me one question, why they can't find happiness? I think for awhile, but aren't happiness can be found by ourself? We can choose to happy or sad. Not that we can't be happy but is that we choose to be sad. Why dun just live life easy a bit? Dun look up to something that not so sure about it. Just make thing simple and we can be happy^^

apologize to someone that meant to me

Few weeks ago, someone very nice call me to cheer me up cause i was so down back then. At 1st we talk nicely but then my emotion start to take over me... and i end up being very rude to her. She was very nice to me. a very nice and precious friend of me. i really hope she could forgive me and accept me once again as a friend. but i can just hope cause she just wont accept my apology....
I really regret. Im sorry charmaine a.k.a pinky

Jokes...

I just make a joke with my friend and it's end up pissed her off... I really over did it, and i dun really mean it. Really i dun mean it. If she ever see this post, i hope she forgive me. I use to joke like this with my friend but i dunno its hurt u so much. I apologize. i really do. i know it wont work for u. i am sorry to break ur heart.

Decision

Love always happen among human because human have one thing that call heart. And i just went tru a relationship that i working so hard to maintain it, but i might be at my limit already. It's very tiring and suffering but i do admit that i was happy with it. It might seem stupid but i think it worth until now. But sometimes we, Human need to make a decision that they don't want to, and i guess that's the only thing i can do for us. If this will bring more happiness for all of us, then i think it's the right way. I been scolded by everyone, even a friend that i just met cause of my "cleverness". But love are blind, Its make human get into a dreamland if they don't know how to manage love. And i felt into it. Thing are just wonderful in the dreamland, but when this what i call wonderful turn into my nightmare, i start to close my eyes and wish i could find my way back to the wonderland. But I can't. Even how hard i tried to run, how hard i try to break this nightmare, i am still in it. I just dunno what i been tru, and it is time for me to snap out of it. Back to the world we call reality. Actually love are not everything, i just realize that around me there are a lot precious thing that I need to appreciate. Family and friends are my biggest asset. And i almost lost it all.
I hope those that reading my blog, remember this.
Love sometimes come with unhappy times but most of the time love are happiness.
If you found out that love bring suffering and sadness all the time, then that is not what we call love. I call myself idiot cause i am still suffering up until now. And i decided to slowly let it go.
I don't want other to be like me. Maybe there are no other's. I hope sooner or later i found my happiness.

I am sorry, I can't continue to keep my promises. But when you need me, I will stand out and help you, as a friend.

07-08-2010

Today u told me u going to singapore, and u told me at the last min. even tho i feel u put me in the last place but i dun blame u. I really dun wan u to go there by urself, as i am afraid of losing u again. But why, why would u let me know at the last moment. WHY? i damn sad. Been talking with u for 2 hour plus, i told u everything i keep in heart for so long. All i can do have already been done. There no other thing i can do. I said before that i wont cry for u anymore but i cant hold myself. As i was driving back, my tear flow out. My emotion break down. I cant hold myself... As i was typing thing blog, my tears flow again. I wanna hug u longer than just now. I hope u remember ur promise to me.

Memory

Remember the 1st day we met? 2nd of april, barroom. Funny thing happen, that night i don't want go but been drag out by friend. And she told me the same thing. She was wearing a black dress. She look damn amazing that night, and her 1st impression to me is "wow, she was pretty". We chat, we dance and then we kissed. I really fall in love with her on the 1st sight i saw her. Still remember our 1st kiss in car. I really love it, but will we kiss again like this in future? We been tru alot. We seperated, we get back, we argue, and now u said we should just stay as friend? Is it all that i done doesn't move u? Am i not good enuf for u?
I done all i can to prove i love u, but this might be the end of us.

Stressed

Thing are getting back to normal, but stress are still every where. Family, friends, career, life and relationship. I was wondering Why? That life can't be as simple as river flow. Or maybe life should be like ocean, sometimes there are wave and sometimes it be very calm. I guess Human life shouldn't be easy but why sometimes it been so tough? I just wanna live my life easy, without worried, but as i grown up thing getting harder. I wish i can just stay in childhood age. Can laugh when i happy, Can cry when i sad. People always say no pain, no gain. But is it real that Pain should come before Gain? I got a bit fed up with my life. Wanna run away from this world. Too bad this won't be happening. May the god bless me with the strength to go tru all this.